The Standard

Issue date: 10/9/08 Section: Opinion

What if Sarah Palin were ugly? Would you still find her interesting?

What if she were some hunchbacked, leather-faced, wrinkled old bag? Would you still care?

What if she were Dick Cheney? Joe Biden? Al Gore? Would you still love her?

You love her America.

Sure, you try to play it cool, say you're not interested. You say she's dumb or unqualified, but you can't take your eyes off of her. You love her America, so why don't you just admit it.

Ever since John McCain announced her as his running mate, she's been the only thing on your mind.

After those first few words in Ohio, cupid's arrow shot you through the heart like a bullet from a helicopter shot through a wolf. Your eyes stayed glued to her every movement. You followed her around like a puppy dog everywhere she went, blowing up television ratings and selling millions of magazines. In fact, you read and watched anything you could get your hands on, whether it was true, false, slanderous, libelous or hype, just to feel a little closer to her.

You were so infatuated, but you wouldn't admit your love. You wouldn't admit your love, so she tested your devotion. She went to Katie Couric, and she broke your heart. You sat there in your pajamas; spoon in your Häagen-Dazs, and you watched her. You watched her as she struggled and battled through the interview. You screamed at the television, "How could you do this to me, I thought you were the one. I love-"

For days you wept uncontrollably; finding comfort only in a Kleenex box. You told yourself, "I never had to tell her I loved her, because, I never did." You told yourself lies.

In the days that followed, you tried to move on, you tried to forget, but you couldn't. You couldn't forget her auburn hair, her rimless glasses or her aggressive energy independence policies.

So, you showed up for the debate. You made it the most watched vice presidential debate of all time.

You turned your puffy red eyes and your tear-stained cheeks toward her, and you breathed her in.

At first, you just exchanged pleasantries; you told her she looked nice.

Then you listened to what she had to say, and with a wink, you melted. You took her back. You embraced her tax policies and folksy charm. Your feelings poured out, and the warmth returned to your soul. You had to have more of her.

You made huge ratings for "Saturday Night Live," just so you could see a woman act like her. You took her back, but those three little words still managed to escape you.

How much longer will you test her America?

You tell her that you want her, but you won't admit your love. It's as if you're scared your friends and family might make fun of you for admitting your adoration. Your mother already thinks that she's great and who cares what your friends think, it's your life.

America, declare your love for this woman, if you don't, you just might lose her. She may just go back to Alaska, and you may never see her again.

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